Monday 1 September 2014

Size isn't everything...except when it's chipboard.






When gormless couple Tyrone and Fiz decided on a loft conversion, they knew they could rely on on the honest, yet painfully dim Jason to go a good job - mates rates too. Get in!






Behind the scenes,  the strings on Jason's business were being pulled by the nefarious forces of Tony and Todd. Especially Todd, who this time around is less the rosy-cheeked, sexually-confused Ken Barlow in the making and more Hitler-haired Iago...






In order to keep costs low, drum up business and make plenty cash - Tony gave Todd the job in admin/PR or something? Anyway it's involved Todd  trying to con Norris into getting a new roof, cold calling old ladies and offering to send round 'his best man for the job', oh - and picking on Gary a bit...the last bit seems seems a fair perk of the job to me though. 

But, tricky Todd has come unstuck with his over-cocky sneering and gift of the gab... When the workshy gobshite was sent by two experienced builders to buy the materials for the loft conversion (no, I have no idea why either...), he made a bit of an 'executive decision'. Rather than buying the right thickness of chipboard (I cannot remember the exact dimensions - neither could Todd), he bought a smaller size and pocketed the change. Now, I don't blame him for doing it (hopefully he put the money towards moving out of his mother's already overcrowded house) - but you'd have thought Todd would know that sometimes - size is everything?

Even Tony, who we know is a bad 'un because he's flogged hooky hairdryers to the two murderers warned Todd that that the chipboard would be unsafe, (especially in a house whose inhabitants seem to exist on pie, chips, bacon butties and lashings of ale). And even Gary (onetime soldier, who emotes by crying outside the shed at his Mum's or hitting people with a plank of two-by-four) voiced his concerns...only to be threatened with the sack by naughty Todd. 

So the floor was laid and thus the scene was set - for tragedy. Or rather, daft bloody Tyrone went up to a unfinished loft conversion after being explicitly told not to for safety reasons. Father Dougal and the big red button all over again...

So Tyrone has a bust hand, but no indication of any sense being knocked into him. Fiz is being her usual sympathetic self; moaning about her lot, picking at Tyrone and drinking pints while he's on the Orange Juice... All this whilst Tony's chucking money at them, so they don't claim on their invalidated insurance. 

One half of that dreary couple sure ain't as thick as they look... 





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